Being pregnant has sort of skewed my emotions...at least this pregnancy has done a number on them. I really don't remember being this emotional with Logan or Damon, but you'd have to ask Morgan for a more unbiased opinion. Anyway...Logan and I sort of went through a pretty rough patch for a while....you'll remember the spanking post. I decided that most of it was probably me and my emotions and just how short my fuse was on my temper, but Logan was also almost 3 so I'm sure his age also played a factor. (bear with me, this might be sort of a random post as I'm still collecting my thoughts)
A week or so before Conference I decided that something had to change though. I couldn't keep going through everyday frustrated, angry, or annoyed all day long. So I really made an effort to be nicer to Logan and to try to have more realistic expectations for his behavior. This made a HUGE difference. He still had his time outs, but I seemed more calm and collected and didn't seem as frustrated. He in turn seemed more willing to listen and talk to me more, but I still felt like he kept going to time out for the same thing over and over again, which was still kind of annoying.
So, a lady in our ward was doing some parenting classes and Morgan and I decided to go. She's big into the Love and Logic, which I know a little bit about and I'm still not totally 100% on board because I feel like it's a little bit scripted, but I did want to give their discipline methods a try in hopes of changing behavior. Yesterday I thought I would give it a shot. Basically when they misbehave you say "uh-oh" and put them in a place to "calm down" or rest and then wait until they are done crying, fussing, or had some time to think (yeah it sounds a lot like time out to me too) but the main thing is you don't say anything else. You don't explain why they are there or talk about it yet, which is what I have been doing.
I tried this with Logan in the morning when he hit Damon. I calmly put him in his room and he sat there and cried for Percy (the train we were playing with when it happened) for about 45 minutes. He's never cried like that in time out, I'm not really sure what the difference was, but when he finally did calm down for his 2-3 minutes I went in and gave him a hug and said I love you, let's go play trains. And he said, "yeah mom, I'm sorry I hit Damon." It shocked me that he still remembered why or even knew why he was there after 45 minutes of Percy calling.
Off and on we had these little calm down times...for both of them and they lasted soooo much longer than my usual time outs, but never once that day was the behavior repeated. I know it wasn't fixed overnight, but I felt like I had better results than our other time outs. As stressful as it was to listen to them cry for so long and so hard, I actual felt like they understood better. I hope it does get less and less that we have to use the Uh-Oh time because 5 hours of sobbing is too much to handle. Especially when poor Damon is laying on the floor looking up at our picture of Jesus and reaching out saying "Jee-Jees, Jee-Jees" (his version of Jesus). But he bit me and I wasn't going to back down. It's really hard not to go in and comfort them and today the calm down time only lasted about 15 minutes, so I think we are making progress. We'll see, I'm really going to try and give this a fair shot since I do feel like I had some results in just one day.
I think I'm mostly just documenting this for when we have rougher days or to tell myself to hang in there, I'm not sure, but either way, now it's here.
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6 comments:
I've heard a lot about Love to Logic and I know quite a few people who follow it to a tee, most with mixed outcomes. However, I've never delved into it because I know my kid would never sit in his bedroom for 45 minutes without destroying something.
Yet, I'm sure that's what every mom says, right? :)
Good luck. It's a long battle but we're finally seeing a big difference in Josh. 3 is a tough age.
I have actually been reading that love and logic book too and so far I like the ideas too.. but I do have to agree that I feel like some of it sounds a little too scripted.
I may have to try that. Donovan is pretty well behaved, but he is starting to hit and push people...I guess it couldn't hurt! Time out is usually pretty traumatic, because I'm like you, I try to explain to him why he's there and it just upsets both of us. I guess I've watched a little too much Super Nanny! PS-Happy Belated Birthday Logan!!! I can't believe he's 3!
I've been having the same struggle with Charlie lately. I feel like there is alot of contention in our home lately between us-who knew a three year old and mommy could be so at odds with each other? But I've also tried the no spanking route, since I was before and that doesn't seem to help either of us. I've decided to try to talk to him in a calmer voice and remove him (and myself) from heated situations and that seems to help. Sometimes I'll even whisper to him to get his attention, and he's so thrown off that he actually listens. Who knows. I figure it's a trial and error thing that you have to find what works for you in your situation. Good luck.
I love Love and Logic and try to use it regularly. Because Parker grew up with most of it, he's pretty used to it and we rarely have calm-down times more than a few minutes. Hang in there, I think you'll continue to see better results. I check out Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood for the library at least once a year to help me remember all of the great tips!
Sounds interesting. Every kids is so different you never know what is and isn't going to work for them. I try to do a lot of "sandwiching" with MaKenna, or else she gets more frustrated and angry at me. I'll tell her something I'm proud about her behavior, then tell her what it is she is doing wrong and that it is not appropriate, and then end with telling her something else positive that I know she can do. If you are interested, our stake is having a follow up this Saturday to a parent class that was taught a couple of weeks ago by a BYU Professor. I love his advice because it is backed up by years of research and is right inline with what church leaders and the scriptures say about parenting.
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